Our son Jack has become a bedtime stall artist on the grandest scale.

I am thankful for the three years of (relatively) easy bedtimes we’ve had with Jack, don’t get me wrong.  Other than two short but tramatic periods – when we had to let him cry it out to learn to soothe himself to sleep (20 min for 2 nights and totally worth it for all family members), and when we had to wean him from the pacifier (another 20 min of crying for about 2 nights and totally worth it for future orthodontia work) – he’s been a dream boy at bedtime.

We didn’t even transition him to a “big boy” bed from his crib until he was almost 3 years old because there was no need…not once did he ever try to climb out of it or do any of the stunts you hear of kids trying in their cribs when they get more adventurous.  And then, when we did transition him to his big boy bed, it took him another ~6 months to figure out that he could actually get out of bed once we’d tucked him in and kissed him goodnight (even though he climbed into it on his own, and out of it on his own in the mornings).

But – wow! – once he realized he could climb out of it at night after he’d been tucked in….that’s when all the fun started!

At first, it was manageable…a couple of extra kisses goodnight and tucks back into bed.

Soon, however, it turned into multiple trips out into the hall, standing at the balcony railing, looking at Mom and/or Dad down below, and trying to come up with excuses of why he needed to get out of bed.

Some of my favorites have been:

• “I just wanted to say ‘night night’ one last time.” (This one is generally used at least three times in a given evening).

• “I drank my water down to [there] and I want more.” (Usually used when he’s drunk around a quarter of his full sippy cup’s worth of water.)

• “My sock came off.” (He’s known how to put his own socks on since he was 2 1/2 yrs, but somehow at night he can’t seem to remember …. even though getting them off is no problem, apparently.)

• “I have a bruise and need cream on it.” (We make sure he’s all creamed and bandaged up as needed before saying goodnight, so he fabricates ouches frequently.  Unfortunately for him, sometimes he forgets just what gets cream (itches and rashes), what gets bandaids (cuts and scrapes), and what just gets some extra kisses (bruises and bumps).

But tonight, as I was getting into my own post-kid-bedtime routine of kitchen clean up, mail sorting, email checking, etc., I heard the best one of them all:

“Robots are not fun.”

He is standing on the balcony, his teddy bear in his hand and blonde hair already ruffled from tossing in bed, wearing his robot pajamas.  This is his fifth trip out, so I’m already a little (OK – a lot) frustrated.

“Jack, go back to bed,” I say in my firm Momma voice.

“But I don’t want to wear robot jammas,” he says in his lightly whiny voice.

“Jack, you specifically chose those pajamas tonight.  Daddy had your truck jammas picked out but you insisted on robots.”

“But robots are not fun.” He’s now using his highly whiny voice.

“Jack, we’re not changing your pajamas.  You need to get back in bed.”

“But I want to wear my truck pajamas.” He’s escalated to his fake crying that he uses when he wants to get his way and he’s starting to realize he might not.

Lots of things are going through my head.  Not one of them includes actually going up and getting him in new pajamas, but I do consider suggesting he change himself (which he can do).  I eventually just decide to dig in, because I have learned when you give an inch, kids take a mile, and if I go up and change him, I’ll be regretting that decision for weeks to come.

“Jack, we are not changing your pajamas.  I’m not going to talk about it anymore.  These are the pajamas you chose tonight and we are not changing them.”

“But robots are not fun,” he repeats, still fussy-crying.

“I’m sorry, honey, that you don’t like these pajamas anymore.  We’ll wear different ones tomorrow night.  But right now you need to get back in bed and go to sleep.  I love you very much.” I start backing away toward my bedroom where he won’t see me anymore, waving and saying “Goodnight.”

As I walked into my bedroom, stopping right where I was just out of his sight, I listened.

“Robots are not fun…..Robots are not fun…..Robots are not fun….” He repeated the phrase over and over.  Just as I walked out again so he would know I was still there, and still wanting him to go to bed, I heard him shut his bedroom door.

Over the monitor, I heard:  “Robots are not fun…..robots are not fun…..”

Soon, he was singing the words in some silly tune.  As I watched him on the video monitor, I saw him throwing his teddy bear up in the air while lying down on his bed kicking his feet, all the while repeating:  “Robots are not fun…..Robots are not fun….Robots are not fun.”

He was asleep within five minutes.

So much for really hating those robot pajamas, my little sweetie.

Well, I’m now around the same point in my third pregnancy….and guess what?  Anxiety is back.

I haven’t had many … really any … moments up until now where the thought of a third child has sent me to the panic room.  Having a third was a decision Jim and I made together, because we thought it was the right number for our family and that we had enough of everything to go around … love, time, attention, and in the grand scheme of things, money (though college funds will have to be a bit lighter for sure than with only two).  However, as my body gets more tired, my business and my goals for it get bigger, and my belly gets larger, my unwavering optimism about turning our family of four into a family of five starts to….well….waver.

Today was the first day when I thought of the upcoming addition to the family with a bit of fear.  The first wave happened just after breakfast, which really in our house shouldn’t be called breakfast as much as it is the first “graze-a-thon” of the day.  Both boys are mobile enough now that we have them eat at either a small child-sized table in the kitchen or at the island counter – either of which they have free ability to move in / out of at will.  So, breakfast tends to be an exercise of running into the kitchen, grabbing a bite, going into the living room, playing for a minute, then repeating the loop over and over until they are either too engrossed in playing/full enough not to care for the food or Mommy says it’s time to get dressed for the day.  (Getting dressed, by the way, brings an entirely different scene of chaos to the morning.)

The scene this morning was pretty much like any morning:  toys strewn pretty much everywhere, various plates/bowls/cups all half-filled with various food and drink covering much of the counter space, and the items used to prepare breakfast covering the rest of the counters.  This morning brought the added knowledge that I would need to give my 3 yr old a breathing treatment with the nebulizer for his bronchitis soon, and the worry that the yellow crusted eyes of my 19 month old was worse than the normal first-thing-in-the-morning sleep and that he’d actually caught the pink eye my 3 yr old (yes, the same one with bronchitis) had come down with 5 days before.

The combination of all of this made me wonder:  “how in the world are we going to manage with three little ones?”

And unfortunately, I haven’t been able to shake that thought.  Its been a constant companion today, through all our normal weekend errands as well as our not-so-usual events:  through the visit to the urgent care clinic with my 19 month old that confirmed he’d contracted pink eye, through the unexpected and expensive fix to my car that was required 2 years before it should have been needed.

Were we crazy to think we had enough of everything to go around for 3 kids?

I believe the real answer to this question is no…we weren’t crazy.  And although days like today have me calling into question this decision, they are a blip in the radar screen relative to the more normal times when I feel like a third child – while certainly presenting challenges, especially in those early months – will be a huge blessing to our family.

And when days like this, and thoughts like this, happen….I just need to be prepared with my reinforcing thoughts of all the reasons why we “went for the third”: so our children would live with the wonderful kind of chaos that comes with multiple siblings and so Jim and I would have another baby/kid/teen/adult to love with the most powerful love that could ever exist.

And if that doesn’t work, I can also remind myself that I am the youngest of seven.  When you ask my mom today how she did it, she says she honestly can’t remember, but that now (at 73 yrs) she is incredibly happy that she did.  Which I take to mean that the first few, hardest years will be a blur, but over time the joys will far outweigh the work, so that when I’m her age and can look back at all that’s behind me, I’ll be so thankful that we made this choice.

And if those two fail, I’ll just have to practice my deep breathing.  It will come in handy in about 10 weeks, anyway.

Well, today, I was happily reminded that our schools, at least, have not forgotten about Thanksgiving.  I attended the Thanksgiving Feast at my 3-yr old’s pre-school, where all 125 or so children joined together for a true childhood Thanksgiving tradition – sitting Indian-style on a shiny gymnasium floor side by side with their classmates.  As they filed in one by one to take their place along the two rows of plastic tablecloths running the length of the gym, I saw head-dresses labeled with names like “Fast as a Rabbit”, “Strong as a Bear”, and “Quick as a Fox”.  Feathers, leaves, construction paper tee-pees, and toilet-paper-roll turkeys decorated the “tables”.  Some of the kids wore beaded necklaces, and teachers wore traditional Native American beads.

After all the classrooms were seated, the parents were treated to a mini-concert of Thanksgiving songs.  I was impressed with the patience of the kids to sing the few songs — they were probably very hungry and had some food already on their plates waiting to be eaten.  But as a parent who wonders what her 3-yr-old does at school all day, and whose only answer when asking him what he did during the day is “nothing” (albeit sweetly), I appreciated hearing the songs.  And when all the kids belted out “5 Fat Turkeys Are We”, my heart lept to see my little boy smiling and singing and doing the actions to the song along with his friends.

After the turkey was eaten and dessert “gobbled” up, some of the kids left home with parents and some returned to their classrooms.  I got a very hyper Jack buckled up in his carseat and we headed for home together.  He re-sang some of the songs to me, and I joined in where I could.  As we pulled into our neighborhood, I thought I’d turn this into a learning opportunity and so I asked him what he was thankful for.

• Me:  “Honey, what are you thankful for?”

• Jack:  Blank look from the backseat.

• Me:  “What are you so thankful to have?  Like for me, it’s to have Daddy, you, Luke, and our wonderful family.”

• Jack:  Still looking blankly at me – clearly did not understand or relate to what I was talking about.

• Me:  (Trying to bring the examples down to something more easily relatable by a 3 yr old…)  “I’m also thankful for our beautiful home, for the doggies and the kitties, for my work, for Grandma & Grandpa.”

• Jack:  Big smile as understanding set in.  “I’m thankful for playing!”

Well said, honey!

His simple comment made me think how important it is on Thanksgiving to remember all that we’re thankful for …. and to not forget to play with kids, which will create a more lasting memory for them than the turkey, casseroles, or pie.

We’ve all seen it.  The excited announcement that your 3-year-old will “Do it myself”….followed by a temper tantrum caused by frustration of not being able to.

I don’t know that instilling independence now will keep you from getting a drink or making sandwiches for your 15-year-old (my mom’s sandwiches are still the best in the world…and I’m pushing 40), but assisting your child in reaching independence in daily tasks can save you a few minutes a day right now.  And, it will no doubt get you a happier child, as they learn to master some of the activities in their day.

Here are some products and strategies to help your child effectively gain independence.  Some of these can be purchased, and some of them are going to have to come from within yourself, but all are available if you just look.

Above all else:  Patience

I originally placed this section at the end of this post, but moved it up for a simple reason — doing any of the other things without this one practice just won’t work.  It is the MOST IMPORTANT.

Facilitating independence in your child requires a heavy dose of tongue-biting, resisting to interrupt, and hand clasping to keep from finishing a task yourself.  You could do the job in half the time – or shoot, a tenth of the time – but the goal is not the completion of the task, it’s the process to get there.  Without lots of practice, your child won’t ever master the task.

This is, by far, the hardest part.  You can buy lots of things, organize shelves, lay things out in easy reach, but without the patience from you (and lots of encouragement!) your child will get frustrated quickly and give up.  This is what I struggle with personally the most.  I’d like to say that I get us all up 15 minutes earlier every morning so we get out the door on time AND Jack also gets to get his own shoes and put them on each day.  But, I don’t.  I aspire to, though!!   And maybe someday I’ll get there every time.  But for now, I sit back and watch the kids try skills for themselves instead of doing it for them. . . . most of the time.

Home Organization:

There are two key factors to successfully designing your home for toddler independence.

First, Organize. Set aside a place for everything and then keep everything in its place.  This helps your children (and you!) know where things are and attempt to put things back where they belong.  Just think of how annoyed you get when your husband puts the checkbook back in the wrong place! ( . . . or is that just me?!?) The same goes for your child, who likes to know that their things are where they are expecting them to be.  A sense of order is helpful for your child to feel a better sense of control in their environment.  Now, I don’t promise doing this will solve all the problems with game pieces getting mixed up, and play sets to get mismatched, but I do believe it relieves some of the daily confusion.

Second, Get Down on Their Level. Literally.  I’m 6′1″, so my perspective on our home is quite different than my 3′ tall 3-yr-old.  Get on your knees, crawl around, view your home from your child’s perspective and see how you can make it easier for them to control the things you are willing to let them control.  Then, find storage solutions and products that help you implement.

For instance, in my house, we have:

• A cabinet below the counter filled with plates, bowls, cups, and silverware so Jack can get his own place setting.  Luke now has figured out that if he’s thirsty, he comes over to the cupboard to get a cup out and that tells us he wants a drink.

• A shelf in the pantry with appropriate snacks in small baskets, so at snack time, Jack can pick his own snack.  The shelf above has items that he can choose for breakfast, as well.

• 
• Easy-reach bins for toy storage in the living room, to facilitate toy selection AND clean up since everything is within reach.  There are many styles available; we use this one from Target, $45.

• A shoe basket in the front hall (with “seasonally appropriate” shoes in it), so Jack can choose his own shoes.  He knows that he has to wear certain ones for school, but other than that, it’s his pick.  Now even Luke, at 14 months, goes to the basket to get his shoes when he wants to go outside (and if we don’t get that hint, standing at the backdoor crying usually clues us in).

• An easy-view bookcase in the living room so even if Jack or Luke can’t reach the book they want, they can see it and point to it (though we try to keep the favorites down low).  We found ours at a Sears company, Room for Kids, which is now defunct so I can’t recommend the product to you.  (I’ve searched everything online and can’t find it at an alternate seller, either, darn it!).  Here is one from Guidecraft that is not wall-mounted (like ours), but would be a good alternative.  The best online price is $135 at All Children’s Furniture. One way to make a standard bookcase more child friendly is to designate shelves for specific types or categories of books and then label those with pictures.

• We don’t have these yet, but now that I’ve found them in my research, we’ll be getting light switch extenders.  These were invented by a mom and dad who literally got tired of a) telling their kids to stop climbing on furniture to turn on lights and b) having to get up and down hundreds of times (it seemed) a day to turn lights on/off for their kids.  The cutest ones I saw are from Just Out of Reach (the company that arose out of this parent invention), which cost $16.95/pack of 2, and have many different “pull” styles.

• Hooks hung low enough for the kids to reach to hang their jackets, etc.  We don’t hang any clothes in the closet for the boys (they’re boys!  Wrinkles are OK…and inevitable!), but if we did, we’d do so on a double hung closet rod so they could reach the clothes.

Tools to Encourage Helping at Home:

• The Learning Tower. If you take away nothing else from this blog post (after noting the importance of patience), please take away this:  The Learning Tower is the single-most powerful tool to increase your child’s independence – and therefore, happiness – that you can have in your home.  Hands down.  It looks funny, it’s bulky, it’s expensive, but if I broke down the amount of joy and usage we’ve gotten from this purchase, it would be less expensive than anything in our toy box.

So what is it?  It’s basically a heavy-duty platform, with protective sides, that allows your child to stand counter-height in the kitchen.  This allows them to “help” you prepare meals, get a better perspective on the goings on in the house, feel tall and “big”, and basically be in the center of things at eye-level vs. by grabbing onto your pants leg – or worse – needing to be held all the time.

You now have two good options to buy.  You can get the real-deal “The Learning Tower” (pictured above) at a variety of locations, all of which have the same price.  We bought ours from Heirloom Wooden Toys, $179.95.  You can buy a new, lighter weight folding version called the “Kitchen Helper” from Kids Learning Depot for $124.88.

• Step stools everywhere. The ones we use are from Ikea, $3.49 each.  Sturdy enough for the boys to use, cheap enough to buy enough to have in more places than we thought we’d need.  They have a taller version that works better for us in some areas at a slightly higher price, as well.

• Low tables/chairs in kitchen and common family areas. Again, thank heaven for Ikea.  We have two sets of tables/chairs from them for our kitchen and our game room, both of which have gotten heavy use and are still going strong.  They have plain wooden ones, plus fun, brightly colored heavy-duty plastic ones like this one (Mamut, $39.99; matching chairs are $14.99 each).

• Child-size utensils and tools. We have cookware, bakeware, and other fun kitchen tools purchased from, yet again, Ikea, that Jack uses to “help” me cook on the rare occasions that I do something more than warm up and assemble dinner.  He has become an expert egg-beater using the whisk in this Ikea cookware set ($9.99).  I love their bakeware set ($6.99), as well, mostly because it comes with a cute little rolling pin that he can use to roll playdough (since I, not surprisingly, don’t bake anything that requires a rolling pin in prep!)

Additionally, we’ve searched far and wide for child-sized brooms, mops, gardening tools to equip him with anything that gives him the chance to help us, finding them at places ranging from Target to Home Depot.  His most recent favorite activity has been to get a spray bottle of water (he thinks it’s cleaner) and spray it on the floor and wipe it up with a rag, cleaning the floor.  With 4 pets, 2 kids, and numerous adults tramping through the house on any given day, this has been a favorite activity of mine, as well, because any attention to our crunchy floors is welcome.

Dressing:

One of the first areas you should “outfit” your child with are clothes that allow them to dress themselves.  You would think easy on/off clothes would be easily found in all clothing outlets targeting kids – but surprisingly, this is not the case, unless you want your child to constantly look like they are hitting the gym (or sandbox).  Here are a few essentials to put in your kids wardrobe that will make dressing themselves easier.

• Pants/Shorts: I admit, I thought adjustable waistbands were the best things going for my tall and skinny son….until I got into potty-training.  At two-years old, he wasn’t ready to deal with zippers or snaps (he’s still not, at age 3).  So, we’ve gone to elastic-waist, pull on bottoms entirely.  This has made our shopping more difficult.  Each season, the various children’s apparel stores may have 1 or 2 selections of elastic waisted bottoms in a twill or cotton, not nearly the selection they provide in more complicated (in terms of fastening) styles.  A sure staple in our closet has become Wes & Willy’s Twill Pants, found at CWDKids.  These pants are a bit pricier than I like to pay for kids bottoms ($25 pants/$17 shorts), but I’ve decided they are worth it.  The elastic is stretchy but not too loose, they have very generous length (great for my son who is extremely tall for his age), and the twill is very soft and comfortable. (Historically, Target has carried some adequate elastic-waist pants in their Circo brand for $5!!; but I just checked and they don’t have them online at this time.)

• Crocs: At one point, I wondered why I saw all the kids on the playground running around in Crocs, which seem like a hard shoe to run in.  This is another example of the “just wait, the answer will be revealed to you” world of parenting, as it soon was with our first pair.  They quickly became Jack’s favorite, not just for the comfort, but for his independence of getting them on/off.  And, as an added bonus during potty training, they wash easily!  The basic model (the “Cayman”) is $31 online, and they’ve added many more elaborate styles for kid (or parent) fashionistas for higher prices, if you so desire.

• Choices: A key element of independence is allowing your kids to make choices (within boundaries that you specify).  Unlimited options is overwhelming to kids this age, but you may want to lay out two different outfits, for instance, and let your child choose between them.

I sincerely hope that these tips and ideas have helped you in some way, and that you can move your child along the path toward “doing it himself” successfully.

I do not have children, but I have had the privilege of being welcomed into several families as Miss Leanne, nanny and babysitter extraordinaire. My most recent adventure had me living for a month in Puerto Rico with friends who recently moved from Frisco to the San Juan area. During my time here, I got to share in the lives of Ava (3 years 9 months) and Hudson who turned two in early August. My responsibilities here were to be part of the family, an extra set of hands, and share in the daily joys and sorrows of parenting. All from gorgeous paradise with a pool in the backyard and twenty minutes from the beach. Basically a month of heaven.

Or…..maybe not total heaven.

I’d been in sunny Puerto Rico less than a week before Lisa, Hudson and Ava’s mom, announced that we would begin potty training Hudson.

Potty training is a necessary evil in parenthood. The light at the end of the tunnel is worth the time, energy, and heartache that it takes to get toddlers going to the bathroom on their own. With the cost of diapers alone, the savings are enough to make any parent potty train as quickly as possible! But the downfalls are great. Leaving the house becomes much more of an adventure, time at home is much more stressful, and it generally takes more time and energy than many can muster. Motherhood is taxing and busy, but throwing potty training into the mix can make even the most calm mom lose her head!

We know that there are a variety of ways and methods to potty train your child and each has their own pros and cons. Regardless of what method you use, there are things that every mom will go through. We write this to let you know that you are not alone!

Lisa swears by the potty training method presented in Toilet Training in Less than a Day because it worked for her daughter, Ava when she potty trained her at 2 years 5 months over a year ago. The day after her little boy Hudson turned 2 she was cramming over the book ready to see it work again. She decided to train him earlier because she met some resistance with Ava that she attributed to the sassiness that comes with being 2 1/2.

The primary principles outlined in this book are:

• Spend one full day potty training without any distractions giving your child your full, undivided attention
• Teach them with a doll so that they understand the concept of going to the bathroom
• Put on underwear and never go back to diapers or pull-ups again during waking hours
• Offer them all the drinks that they want so that you have lots of opportunities for practice
• Teach them through dry pants inspections, practicing going to the potty and use the potty by themselves (Lisa’s addition: rather than following the book and having them go independently, she has taught her children to let her know when they have to use the potty)
• When they wet their pants, let them know that this is wrong, make them practice what they should have done when the have to go to the bathroom, and have them clean up the mess
• Give your child the control by reminding them to tell you when they have to use the bathroom rather than asking them if they have to go
• Reward with treats, songs, and incredible excitement
• Have a list of close family, friends, and favorite characters who will be proud of them when they use the potty
• And….possibly most important…once you begin potty training, you can’t go back. Stick with it until you reach success.

Lisa started the training just after breakfast on Monday morning and never looked back. The tile floor in Lisa’s Puerto Rican house came in handy as she and Hudson spent the day playing with his train table. Hudson wore nothing but a t-shirt and underwear…9 pairs that first day! But by the end of Monday, Hudson had asked to use the potty and actually done it! A huge victory for Lisa.

When potty training it is important to rejoice in the small victories. Lisa didn’t leave the house for several days, so it’s easy to get discouraged (and lonely)! Every small step towards independence is celebrated. It’s important to have friends and family close who will rejoice with you because it is so easy to get frustrated and depressed with minor setbacks. It’s also important to have people around who won’t let you quit. Stopping and starting potty training unless absolutely necessary will only get confusing for everyone. Pushing through the difficult times is crucial for success and sanity.

I still remember my mom potty training my sister, who is now 22 years old. She used M&Ms, which seem to have remained the standard carrot to hold in front of a potty-training child. Lisa found that Hudson really enjoyed the bribe of candy, juice, or a snack, but he also got very excited about his special potty song. Lisa is notorious for making up creative and fun songs for her kids. Hudson’s potty song goes something like this:

Hudson goes pee pee
Hudson goes pee pee
Hudson goes pee pee in the pot-ty!

There is much clapping and excitement. The pride in his eyes when we sing that song is absolutely priceless.

Lisa had several minor setbacks over the next several days. An accident here and there, but also some huge victories. By Friday (Day 5) Hudson was asking to use the potty on the go when in the ocean and at the beach. This potty on the go is made by Fisher Price and comes in a very stylish and gender-neutral (read: your husband may carry it!) carrying case. The blue legs collapse for easy storage. The white seat lifts off to insert a plastic bag for use. You can purchase it on Amazon.com for $49.99.

Lisa loves this potty chair because it is easy to pack and carry. It is also wonderful because you do not need to purchase any other supplies; you can simply recycle a plastic grocery bag to go under the white seat. (Tip from Lisa: rather than purchasing the pads that come with the potty, use disposable nursing pads in the bottom of the plastic bag for less mess at a much lower price!)

Several accident-free days gave the false illusion that Hudson was ready for anything. Hudson got distracted on Days 5 and 6 with one accident each day. By the one week mark, the little man had turned the corner and was doing a great job staying dry all day. One thing we learned was that perhaps he was getting frustrated by being asked all the time. We were asking him about the potty every 5-10 minutes and he was still having accidents. So, we stopped asking him and he started telling us! (This is actually a principle from the book, but it’s hard to remember to stop asking them, especially when you are trying to avoid messy clean ups.) Once he figured out that it was not a game and the diapers were not coming back, he was ready to wear big boy pants full time.

It’s been two weeks since that full-day training session and Hudson has had accident-free days as well as a few days with an accident or two. He has gone potty in the potty on the go in the back of the car on the side of the road. He has gone potty in the ladies room at Costco. He has come in from the pool to go potty inside. He gets excited and proud when he tells us that he has to go because he knows how important it is. We sing his song and still make a big deal about it when he remembers to tell us. (For Hudson, the bribery of candy worked for a few days, but the song continues to delight now two weeks later.) Lisa still worries about taking him out in public or where he might get distracted and forget, but they’ve both done an excellent job.

In the area of grocery and shopping lists, we follow similar patterns. His is an Excel workbook, with a spreadsheet for the different stores we visit (Target, Costco, “other”). Mine is a magnetic notepad stuck on a board in our kitchen, which I update any time we get low or are running out of something. (I keep asking everyone else in the house to do this – my husband, my mom who is here every day watching the boys, but no one’s caught onto my method yet. Life would be so much easier if people just did what you wanted, huh?)

Every weekend before we go shopping (which is part of every weekend’s routine), we “merge” our lists into one list per store.

Well, we’ve recently had to add a third list to our merge task. From Jack, our almost-three-year-old.

The first Saturday morning he did this, Jim and I were at the kitchen table, verbally comparing lists and compiling one master list before we headed out to the store. My son saw this activity, and immediately asked for a paper and pen to make his list. Always eager to get my son to sit still for a second (instead of literally running laps around our first floor), I jumped up and supplied him with what he requested – after reminding him to use “please”, of course.

Here is what he came up with:

Trying so hard not to laugh when he very seriously announced he was done and proudly showed me his list, I asked him to please read it. Here is what he he said:

• “Grover bars” (a soft fruit & grain bar sold in the baby food aisle that’s a morning favorite for on the way to school)

• “Crackers” (of course – or is mine the only toddler who can eat an entire box of crackers in one week?)

• “Goldfish” (again, of course – and I KNOW mine is not the only toddler who can eat a pack -or two – of these in a week)

• “Dog treats” (Jack’s one chore is feeding the dogs their treats in the morning; I guess he wanted to make sure we didn’t run out)

• “Smoke” — What??

So, of course, we have to understand this. Why would “smoke” be on a shopping list?

Me: “Jack, why do you want smoke?”

Jack: “For the chimney.”

Me: “Why do you think the chimney needs smoke?”

Jack: “Because chimneys have smoke.”

Me: (I started racking my brain to think of where he would have come up with this, but gave up and went the explanation route.) “Honey, chimneys don’t have smoke in them all the time. (Jack’s eyes did the toddler-glaze-over-thing after my first sentence, meaning I should have just stopped there. But I just had to keep going.) Only during the winter-time when it’s cold and people light fires in them to keep warm. But it’s the middle of summer now, so we don’t need a fire.”

Jack: (Very matter-of-factly again) “I want smoke.”

Me: (I learned my lesson the first time, so explanation is out of the question.) “Honey, if you can tell me where to find it in the store, I will buy you smoke.”

We only had to check out three different places in the store to look for smoke before Jack, thankfully, gave up. The next week when “smoke” was on his list again, I didn’t say a word. He forgot to make me look for it in the store, as well. Guess whatever he really wanted was as elusive as, well, smoke.

We’re blushing.

Our inexperience in the world of fall season sports was revealed when we chose the topic for last week: What’s the best way to set your kid up in fall sports? You seasoned “soccer Moms” out there must have thought – ha ha! You’re asking this question in JULY???? That’s a question to be asked in June – or May – or, by gosh, even April! Well, we have learned a LOT in a week about the ins and outs, and let’s just say this is a lot more complicated than when we were kids ourselves. Now we’re ready to share the best ideas back with our Mom community.

While the steps below are going to sound daunting even to the most social, organized, and outgoing of you, we do have some good news: the first time is the hardest. Once you find a sport, a league, and a team you are comfortable with, the sports organizations are great about keeping you up to speed on all the dates to remember, registration processes, etc. But the implication is clear: Make the first time count.

So, those of you who have kids turning 3 or 4 in the next year, pay attention. Or, if your kid (or you!) didn’t have fun in sports the last time you tried, maybe reconsider doing the following and trying again. Here’s your step by step approach to making the most of the season.

Step One: Decide which city league your child will participate in.

Some cities make it easy for you – e.g., Frisco will not allow any child that does not reside within its boundaries to play in its league. Others are open, like Plano, which for a small increase in fee allows any non-Plano ISD resident to sign up. You will most likely play in the league of the city where you live for convenience reasons, so check it first. Links to some of the most popular sites are below.

Step Two: Determine when your child can start playing.

Cities differ as to when they will allow children to begin playing. The earliest we saw in our exploration was Age 3 by Sept 1 (Plano, Flower Mound), but most leagues don’t start until Age 4 by July 31 (Frisco, Allen, McKinney, Grapevine/Southlake, Lewisville, Carrollton). And there are no exceptions made; all of the cities require a copy of a birth certificate when you sign up for the first time.

Step Three: Figure out what sport you want to play – whoops, we mean the one your child – wants to play.

Just like professional sports seasons have stretched to the point you can at different times of year find football, basketball, and hockey on TV on the same night, so have kids sports. Fall season sports no longer means soccer or football….it can mean t-ball/baseball, softball, volleyball, cheerleading, basketball, etc. This means you will likely need to decide between sports….unless your child has infinite energy and you have infinite time to shuttle him/her between sports practices, games, etc.

When choosing, keep in mind that the sport your child plays is going to be the sport you will be playing with your child for at least the next few months. This is why it makes a lot of sense to us (and other Moms that wrote in) to pick a sport you will enjoy playing with your child. Most cities make this easy early on and only offer certain options for younger kids, and some are more limited in their sports selections.

Step Four: Recruit your team.

Wait! What, you say?? Recruit your team? Isn’t the Sports Association supposed to do that for us? You may not like to hear this, ladies, but from we can tell, it’s true. Joining as a team (or at least as a partial team) with coach (see Step 5) is a key success factor for how well your child (and you) will enjoy the season. This is intuitive as well: by the time your child is old enough to sign up for a league, they have started actually playing with other kids (not just engaging in the toddler / early pre-school “parallel play”). If they are getting to see their friends during the week and on Saturday, they are more likely to want to play. And you already know the parents, so are more comfortable, too.

We had several comments from Moms that agree reinforced the importance of this:

“The first year my daughter played, we did the lottery. They said they would match us to other kids in our elementary school, but it didn’t end up that way for whatever reason. We sat out the next season and then the following year when she was in elementary school and we knew more people, we found a team that already existed and we joined with them. It was a lot more fun because she already knew the kids and we knew the parents.” (Monica)

“We did sign up with friends. I think you can put one or 2 people you would like to play with or a particular coach you would like to have.” (Susan)

Step Five: Recruit your coach.

Just as, if not more, important for your team experience is to have a coach that is aligned with your goals for the team. Hopefully, if you’ve created at least a partial team, you know some of the parents already and a coach will emerge from that pool to take on the responsibility. It’s probably a good idea to discuss goals first with your team-mates parents early on (e.g., how many practices a week? is it OK to miss practices? will everyone get to play?).

“The coach has a huge impact on the team experience. There is a lot of decisions left up to him (or her). Basically the schedule gets set early in the season by the sports association, but other than that, the coach picks practice days/times, who plays when, basically everything.” (Jennifer)

Step Six: Recruit a team mom.

Having a great team mom is really important. This is the person who will communicate about practices, game times, snack duty, etc. If you are organized and like to plan- or are married to the coach (according to one of our Moms) – this might be a job for you to take on.

“We had a team mom that was married to the coach of the team one year and it was the best. She knew everything that was going on and kept everyone up to speed via email. It really helped us plan around the practices and games.” (Elizabeth)

Step Seven: Sign Up Online.

Yet again, a great advantage of the internet: online sign ups which can make it easier on everyone.

“From my experience, it’s been a great advantage to find the forms online and have them filled out prior to showing up at registration (for T-ball, coach prep baseball and now soccer). Luckily, we play in the Aubrey Area Youth Sports Association and they are organized and online well in advance of each season. Each time, I’ve been in and out – no hassle!” (Ginny)

There you have it, ladies. The mysteries of fall season sports, solved for you by Moms Out Loud. Below are links to the major area sports associations, with the registration deadline for their fall Soccer sign ups (please check their web-sites for other sports). Have a great time!

Plano: Online registration began on June 11th and ends on August 15th.

Frisco: Online registration closed on June 19th. In person registration closes on July 25th. The waiting list opens on July 26th.

McKinney: Registration is currently closed, but the waiting list is open.

Allen: Online registration began on May 2nd and closes on July 30th.

Coppell: Mail-in registration is closed. Online and in person registration ends on August 5th.

Grapevine/Southlake: Registration closed on July 19th. Waiting list registration opened on July 20th.

Lewisville: U5-U10 late registration fee of $50 is applied after July 1st and after July 15th for U11-U19.

Carrollton: Registration closed on July 15th. Late online registration is available.

Jack has always been a pleasure to take to restaurants; we don’t go very often, so when we do he is so curious and interested in what’s happening that he just sits back and observes. Usually this means he eats A LOT (at one of my former consumer goods co’s we called this “mindless nibbling”. . . the tendency to forget how much you’re eating when you are watching TV or a video). So, while it’s great for most of the time, getting Jack out of the restaurant can be a challenge because he would be happy to sit there for hours, observing the people – particularly the wait staff who deliver the food and bus the tables as they really move fast!

Yesterday, I found the solution.

At the end of our meal – or at least at the end of everyone else’s meal, with the check delivered and paid – I try to hurry Jack along.

• Me: Jack, are you about finished?

• Jack: I’m not done. (Another bite goes in.)

3 minutes later. (Felt like 10 minutes to me, because Luke, our 1 yr old, who’d been great the whole meal had reached his limit and was alternating between eye-rubbing and attempting a high-chair escape.)

• Me: Jack, you’ve eaten so much! Aren’t you finished?

• Jack: I’m still eating. (Another bite goes in.)

3 minutes later. (Again, it felt like 10 minutes, because I had just noticed the time and we were 15 minutes past bath time already, and we still had drive/cake/presents to do before the bathtub.)

• Me: Jack, don’t forget we have birthday cake to eat when we get home.

• Jack: DONE!

We were out of the restaurant in one minute, max.

This is not the first time I’ve learned this lesson of getting your kids to transition from one activity to another by presenting them a better alternative. (OK, you might call this a bribe-gasp!) This also works to get them to do what they might consider unpleasant activities. Whether it’s getting Jack to brush his teeth at bedtime (so we can read bedtime stories!), or getting him to leave the playground (we’ll have chicken nuggets for dinner!), life with toddlers – at least in my household – is a constant game of choosing the best “carrot”.

While I’ve read that certain parenting experts believe that bribing your kids scars them for life, I have to disagree. Bribing is actually quite common in adult life, I’ve found, when you need to get people to cooperate with your plans and objectives. In corporate, they call it the “what’s in it for me” method, but basically it’s a principle based on bribing: Figure out who your audience is (in this case, a toddler) and what they really care about (cake, bedtime stories), and use the promise of this reward to encourage cooperation. They just don’t call it that because bribing sounds manipulative, whereas targeting your audience appropriately is smart.

Human nature is human nature, whether you’re 3 or 30 years old. Or whether your bribe is a trip to the playground or a good performance review. I figure learning this young is actually a good thing for my boys, versus scarring them.

I just don’t want them to learn to quickly how to bribe their parents into doing what they want….though I’m suspicious my almost-3-year old is on the verge.

But, before all of you with totally normal kids stop reading because you’re thinking this blog entry is about gifted children, let me stop you. It’s not. I believe the “rage to master” is actually more common than experts might say – or at least varies by degrees.

And I think every young child has it. Especially my 1 year old, Luke.

What exactly is the “rage to master”? To quote from a quite interesting blog post on the topic from Wandering Ink: “it is the intrinsic motivation of gifted and talented children to master an area of interest; it’s absolutely obsessive in nature, driving the child to focus intensely on that subject matter and voraciously consume new information and skills.”

For those of you who have parented young children, you probably remember these moments of extreme obsession. Periods in a child’s life when they are acquiring new skills and can’t – it seems – waste time on anything that’s not propelling them toward mastery of the challenge. These “rages to mastery” happen around every major milestone: learning to roll over, learning to pull up, learning to crawl, learning to stand.

And, the obsession we’re witnessing right now: learning to walk.

I should have seen this one coming. Luke was an uncommonly happy baby (one of the main reasons we actually think we could handle a third). If presented even the slightest challenge by a toy being out of reach, he would proceed to entertain himself by playing pattycake or staring at a ceiling fan. He was happy to just observe. And with our household of grandparents, parents, 1 big brother, 2 dogs, 2 cats, and various neighbors and friends coming and going, there’s a lot to observe.

With the whirl of constant activity around him providing hours of viewing pleasure, Luke didn’t have the need to move. He was a late crawler, not learning this skill until 11 months. But wow – since then! The whole world has changed. And so has Luke. He quickly progressed to learning to stand, which caused him several late nights and short naps as he practiced and practiced in his crib. And now, a short month later, he is voraciously practicing walking.

Gone is our happy baby who was content to sit and observe. In his place is a determined, one-track-minded toddler who teeters laps around our den/kitchen area until he literally can’t take another step from fatigue. And then, he’s a fussy, discontented toddler who doesn’t understand why when his mind wants him to move, his legs may not cooperate. He’s even more fussy when he gets himself into a corner that he can’t figure a way out of, resembling the Energizer Bunny banging his drum and marching over and over into a wall.

As I watch him, I marvel at his persistence and insatiable desire to master walking.

And I am struck by the parallels in my own life, as a neophyte entrepreneur, with the Rage to Master driving me each day.

The same voracious appetite to master walking in Luke is the same all-consuming desire that I have to realize the vision of Moms Out Loud. I see it in my head, it swirls in my brain, it weaves its way into my dreams and unconscious thoughts making it extremely difficult to focus on anything else. And just like Luke, I find myself at times entirely spent with the overwhelming energy expended on the various aspects of executing against a vision that I feel so compelled to bring to my friends and fellow Moms.

These are the moments when I force myself to stop and remind myself of why I’m doing this business in the first place: to give me more flexibility around moments I can spend with my family, and to build a company that allows my employees – who will, when I’m big enough to hire them – be women or Moms who also want to contribute great things to our world at large….between the hours of 9am – 3pm (or so). And so, I make myself shut down the computer early a couple of days a week, and go home to be with my boys.

And when I do, I spend a little extra time with Luke, assisting in his “Rage to Master” by getting him out of those corners and sending him down a straighter path.