A Mom’s Definition of Beauty

The subject of beauty has come up a lot in my world in the past few days.

Maybe it’s because my 20th high school reunion is looming on the horizon.  Maybe it’s because I am heavier than I’ve ever been in my life (excluding pregnancies).  Maybe it’s because I finally admitted to my super-wonderful-amazing husband that my sex drive is at an all-time low because I just don’t feel attractive (sorry if that is TMI for anyone). 

And then today, I “read” two articles. 

Side note:  I use quotation marks around “read” because what Mom actually “reads” anything?  Who has time?  My own “reading” occurs in one of 2 places — either the first 2 mins on the potty (a word that rolls off the tongue so easily now after 3 kids), before someone comes to find me, OR online at night when I’m desparately trying to catch up on work and I allow myself the simple luxury of following a Twitter or Facebook link to places unknown.  My “reading” is a series of fragmented snippets, pieced together within the context of my own life, creating an impression that lasts for just moments until the next distraction.

The first article was a link I followed to D Magazine’s (That’s Big D for those of you don’t live in Dallas) contest for the Ten Most Beautiful Women in Dallas.  And I was disgusted – not surprised, but disgusted.  Not by the women themselves….I am actually quite amazed that they can keep themselves in such amazing shape, in such amazing “polished” condition.  The less attractive part is that this is what sells magazines.  Yes, the women are beautiful.  Really amazingly beautiful.  An illustration of the societal idealism of thin, blonde, smooth, and sparkling.   And you can vote for them right there – their perfect teeth and perfect smiles beckoning “pick me!”, “pick me!”.  A resounding applause for society’s infatuation with the perfectly beautiful.

And then (thankfully) I read the second article in Real Simple, where they asked famous authors to write about “What Makes Me Feel Beautiful.”  (You will not be surprised as to why I subscribe to Real Simple, vs. stumbling upon D Magazine when you read what follows.)  The essay that hit a chord within me was written by Kathryn Harrison (the coincidence that my 4 month old daughter is named Katherine just struck me as I type this), the author of 12 books, none of which I’ve heard of (which doesn’t mean anything since I am culturally-challenged).  Kathryn says that “spending time with my kids” makes her feel beautiful, and describes the first time she felt beautiful as:

“The first time it happens, we’re out walking….we’re still at the stage when taking a shower feels like an accomplishment…Still, I feel — for the first time in my life — really, truly, beautiful.  It has taken three children to deliver me to this state, this symmetry of boy on my left, girl on my right, baby on my breast.”

Read the full essay on Real Simple’s website: www.RealSimple.com, specific article at:  What Makes Me Feel Beautiful.

This essay (which took 3 trips to the ‘potty’ to finish), so accurately describes how I feel.  Not that I had similar childhood baggage to get over – in fact, I am the youngest of seven….a large family because my mom “just can’t get enough of babies”.  (She is helping us raise our children now, now that her own children are grown.).  Nor that I didn’t feel exceptionally beautiful at my wedding (I was on a beach in Hawaii, for goodness sake, how could I not have?). 

But the fact is, I feel my most beautiful when I am on the floor wrestling with my boys while my baby girl sits safely in her swing.  Or when I am pushing Kate in the stroller while her two brothers “help”.  Or when I’m driving all three kids around in the mini-van, utilizing that third row seat and at least 8 of its cup-holders.

This is when I glow.

So, thank you, Kathryn Harrison, for describing more eloquently than I ever could how beautiful being a Mom really feels.  When I feel chubby, jiggly, and baggy-eyed, your essay reminds me that all I need to do is grab my kids in a big bear-hug and I will feel beautiful again.

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Rebekah Cooksey is a married mom of 3 kids aged 3 yrs and under who lives in Plano, TX.  She is the Founder and Chief Executive Mom of Moms Out Loud, and believes every Mom is beautiful.  You can reach her at rebekah@momsoutloud.com.