My Life in the Professional Gray Area

I am a statistic.

You all know at least one other Mom like me. Someone who, before kids, was ambitious and driven toward career advancement. Building a perfect resume was my goal; getting that next challenging assignment always at the top of my mind. And, I like to think I was doing a pretty good job of it.

But then, BAM! I had a baby.

It’s a turning point for many Moms. While loving your spouse is an overwhelming feeling, nothing can compare to the love a mother has for her child. I wasn’t prepared for it – how could I have been? But I finally understood a quote I’d formerly been confused by: “Having a baby is to forever live your life with your heart outside your body.” My heart was suddenly right out there in the form of a 8 lb baby boy.

Becoming a Mother, for me, forced me to fundamentally question my priorities. The lens through which I evaluated my career, the opportunity cost of hours spent away from home, the measuring stick I used to validate my own need for accomplishment all suddenly changed. It didn’t happen overnight – in fact, the first few weeks with my son I asked myself more than I’d like to admit: “What have I done?” But by the time I was facing going back to work, my baby and I had bonded like Gorilla Glue and spending even an hour away from him was like ripping my own arm off.

As with many working Moms, getting back into the routine of work dulled the separation anxiety I had. I got back into the swing. I delivered on my assignments. I came in early when I needed to, worked late when I needed to (though more often at home than at the office, where I might have worked before baby). I juggled where I needed to juggle, learned how to get my son and myself dressed and ready in the mornings with only minimal spit up/food/snot coming off on my work clothes, drank loads of coffee on days after I had been up all night with a sick baby, and generally made my work performance equal to what it was before I was a Mom.

But my heart wasn’t in it. Not anymore. My heart was sitting at home in a bouncer seat learning to eat rice cereal. From someone else.

And while no single moment led me to leave the corporate world to fend for myself in small business, one does stick out in my mind. I had just spoken via phone with my mom (who was our nanny, yes I am the luckiest-stinkin’-Mom-in-the-world!) who reported that Jack’s fever had risen to 101.5 and she was taking him to the doctor. This was his first fever, and I was worried. Not worried that he had something seriously wrong – but that he needed me there with him, and I couldn’t be there. And, no, I couldn’t be there: I was 10 minutes from presenting to the Executive Comittee of my company. I (barely) managed to clear my head and hold it together, but the importance of my presentation had paled considerably relative to the importance of me being with my baby as he struggled through his first major sickness.  I realized right then that I could continue to go through the motions, but my passion was no longer in an office building.

It was in a onesie.

It took me almost 2.5 years, another child, and hundreds of other little moments like that one before I decided to leave my secure employment and strike out on my own. And now, while the benefits of my new career are many — topping the list is ultimate flexibility in the schedule I create around my children and the ability to mesh my life at home (being a Mom) with my life at work (helping Moms) — there are downsides, too. Money is a big one. Juggling more work than ever before while adding on top more “Mom” responsibilities (like classroom volunteering and playdates) is another.

Sometimes I feel like I’m in a “professional gray area”: putting in the hours of a full time working mom, but also doing some of the things I want to do as a Mom that often only stay-at-home Moms get to do.

Perhaps my biggest learning as I have talked to other Moms with children still at home (and I talk to Moms A LOT – actually another benefit to my new career that I should have counted above!), is that we’re all struggling with the same professional issue. Whether a Mom has chosen to stay home full-time, work part-time, or work full-time (either at a company or in her own business), our challenge is the same. And that challenge is:

Knowing that we could do more professionally than we are doing, but because we’re Moms, we’re choosing not to.

For those of you reading this who think this challenge doesn’t apply to you, and that you are rocking on your career while also rocking as a mom, please send me your secret because I’d love to pass it on! Seriously, you can reach me at rebekah@momsoutloud.com.

For those of you (I’m thinking the majority of you) who identify with this challenge, the only comfort I can provide is to tell you that you’re not alone. There are many of us who have the skills and talents to provide more value to a professional organization than our days allow because of child responsibilities. And I’ll go out on a limb here — many of you are probably like me, and wouldn’t change a minute of your life as a Mom, so the childcare responsibilities are not something you want to give up.

All in all for me, weighing the good with the bad, I know that this career I’ve chosen is the best life for me at this point in my life.  But I would be lying if I said I didn’t think about the choices I’m making each day and constantly check to reaffirm my current path.  I’m not sure that’s going to change in the future anytime soon.

But for those of you who may be struggling with some of the same challenges, I encourage you to read the article written by our Career Coach Expert, Brooke O’Shea, and the 6 Step Program she uses to help her clients find the work they are meant to do.  It worked for me.  On hard days, I go back to those journals I wrote early in my exploration where I wrote about the Mom I wanted to be and the life I wanted to lead.  I’m now designing it. 

And having gone through that journey gives me confidence that I made the right choice.